my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
