i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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