lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
I've spent more money on drugs for bonnaroo than my actual ticket. Proudly.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
Randomize
