im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
