i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
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