I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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