I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
