Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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