I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
