oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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