If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
Girls should come with a carfax report
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
