And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
Randomize
