She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
