Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
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