I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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