I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm not drunk because I think my blood just is alcohol from last night so being drunk is sober. If that makes sense
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
