this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
Get dressed up for her? please, I could shit my pants and she would still blow me
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
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