ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Randomize
