It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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