your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
