the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Randomize
