I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
