I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
Randomize