I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
