It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize