Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
