If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
