new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
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3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
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he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!