We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?