When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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