Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.