I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
21 NSFW Facts About Famous Celebrities That Will Blow Your Mind
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
These Are 19 of the Most Horrible Strangers People Had to Sit Next to
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."