Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
