Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
