My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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