woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
