I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
