Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I would have publicly shamed him but I'm pretty sure his tramp stamp did that on its own...
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
