pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
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