Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So, I found your eyebrow, someone glued it in between my eyebrows so I looked like I had a unibrow when I went to work...
Congratulations! We have a period
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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