god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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