worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
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He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
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They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
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