C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
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