I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
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