no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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