I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
I came so hard my ears popped.
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
