A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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