Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
