The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
