you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
we played his NES Classic. Turns out there is a warp zone to my vagina.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
