Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
and she was petting her beer can
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Randomize
