Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
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