You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
