THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
He shit in the fireplace
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
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