My phone auto-corrects smirnoff to poisoned. I think it is trying to tell me something.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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