I puked a lego.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
Randomize
