You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
