im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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