i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
