I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
GIIIIRL I AM STONED AF AND I HAVE A HOMEMADE POT PIE IN THE OVEN THIS PARTY IS LIT.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
