just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
