Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
Randomize
